Do you also know a super-mum in your neighbourhood who is always able to pick-up her kids at 3 PM, squeeze in her workout, eat healthy foods and have time to bake for the whole back-yard on Saturday? I do, and it's not me. She must have a superpower, overpriced nanny, helpful mother in law, secret helper or ... wait, maybe it's as simple as being organized and having good habits? That's what science suggests anyway.
When my second daughter was born, I was thinking - ok, now is the time to get our home organized. Not that we were not organized before, don't get me wrong. At least I consider myself very structured and to-do-list type of person, but we were for sure getting busier. We needed to operate much more efficiently, if we didn't want to overpay on every-day takeaway, stand in grocery store line at 5 PM together with a bunch of other hopeless co-queuing people, live in a constant mess or gain a kilo or two every month.
The mission was on. I purchased three books on Habits and Behavior a few days after giving birth and read all of them within a month. Your can probably guess which ones they are, but if not, here you go: "Atomic Habits" by J.Clear, "How to Change" by K. Milkman & "The Power of Habit" by Ch. Duhigg. I was really determined to become a "super-mum" and make it all hang-together - work, husband, kids, life. The actual balance.
I love journaling and writing notes, and of course I had to write down and highlight every second sentence from the book. When my brother borrows the books, he often laughs about my highlights and "inside-comments" and questions the importance of rewriting the same sentence above the actual sentence. So I don't like to borrow my books for two reasons 1) They often don't come back (check the bottom of the post to hear 2 stories of people who did not return my books) - I will get you one day. 2) To avoid people laughing and my highlights and personal comments in the book. But back to the point.
This is the essence on Habits I learned and applied in my life as a mum.
1. Identify the habit you want to introduce in your life
Clearly define the habit you want to adopt. Be specific about what you want to achieve. Are you trying to lose weight after pregnancy? Are you trying to stick to 8 hours of sleep despite having a newborn? Identifying even one habit you want to introduce in your life and voicing or even better writing why it is important for you is a great start.
One of the new habits I wanted to introduce while on maternity leave, was to start weekly meal planning, and online grocery shopping in order to avoid the stress before dinner time. I am sure you all know the situation: "It's 5 PM, you are on your way from work, thinking what to cook, trying to be creative but at the same time too hungry too cook a fancy dinner. You stop at the local grocery store, put pasta, tomato sauce and basil into your basket, and then queue for 15 minutes. When it's finally your turn, you realize you forgot parmiggiano de Pardano (excuse my Italian), but you refuse to queue again. So pasta it is". Well, this is the situation I really, but really wanted to avoid.
2. Set clear goals
Establish measurable and achievable goals related to your new habit. Break down your habit into smaller, manageable tasks. This will make it easier to track your progress and stay motivated. Don’t say “I’ll exercise regularly.” Say, “I’ll exercise for 15 minutes each day, when my baby is sleeping.” According to J. Clear, a good habit should be guided by these rules: make it obvious, make it attractive, make it easy & satisfying. So perhaps going for a 15 min exercise every day is not too easy. Rather start with saying, 10 minutes every second day. This will do for the start.
In order to achieve my new habit of meal planning every Sunday I made it obvious in a way that I placed a recipe book, pen & paper on the table Saturday evening, so I cannot miss the fact I have to plan the food. Attractive would be the fact when it's my husband's turn to plan, I am excited for which recipes he chose. It is easy because it takes a few minutes to plan and add all groceries into online shopping cart - definitely easier than physical hunt after tabasco or halloumi. In addition, the Saturday Night Empty Fridge Show-s me what to do. If you know what I mean.
3. Create a detail cue-based plan
Develop a plan for how you will incorporate the new habit into your daily routine. Consider factors such as time, location, and resources needed. Scientists have proven that you make more progress to reach your goals if you are "cued into them". Again, a plan like “I’ll exercise for 15 minutes every day" is OK. But a detailed, cue-based plan like “Every second morning, while my baby is sleeping, I will spend 10 minutes exercising/stretching using XYZ app" is much more likely to stick as a habit. To help you formulate and stick to the habit, create a schedule or a checklist to help you stay on track.
This is a great opportunity to download my FREE Weekly Habit Tracker. I believe in the power of visuals and tracking, and I think it's just a great way to see your progress in one place. Keeping track of your progress helps you see how far you've come and identify areas for improvement. If you want to track your habits on a longer term basis, our carefully designed 53 Weeks Habit Tracker will allow you to record and track 10 habits each weeks. You will be motivated along the way with inspirational quotes and prompts.
4. Stay flexible
Be open to making adjustments to your plan as needed. Life can be unpredictable, and you may encounter obstacles or setbacks along the way. Instead of getting discouraged, adapt to changes and find alternative solutions to keep moving forward.
My meal planning habit is definitely not working or needed when we are on holidays or eat out, which is totally fine. Also, my "sugar-free" habit is not going well in general, however I still have it on my list and try to be proud when I say no to a Dunkin Donut when passing by.
5. Find a partner to help you achieve your new habits
This step is kind of obvious but sometimes overlooked. Partnership or support is not only about having a fan to hold you accountable. It is about a feeling of commitment and perhaps joining someone who is ahead of the learning curve. If you are struggling to lose weight as a parent, joint a local trainings session specialized for mums with babies. In that way, you are likely to encounter other mums who are practising the same habits as you try to introduce, which will have a motivating effect.
As an example, I asked my husband not to offer me second portion or ask if I want candy or popcorn on Friday. I have to admit, he still asks and even worse I still say yes most of the time. But hey you don't want to mess with a hangry mama.
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Ok I was about to close my computer but remembered I owe you 2 stories of people who never returned my books
2006 - I am a teenager attending an English language school and lend my English novels I purchased in second-hand thrift stores to my classmate. This is an extra-curricular class and right before final exams for the year. I barely knew the girl, but helpful as I am, I borrowed her my books, which she never returned. I actually never saw her again after the exams and this was pre-Facebook era, so no way to hunt her down.
2017 - fast - forward 11 years, I am passionate about travelling and own like 30 Lonely Planet books. Before going on exchange to Japan, I purchased a brand-new edition of Lonely Planet Japan. It was not cheap, and I would primarily use the part about Tokyo. I loved it and used it a lot. That year, I spent Christmas in Tokyo and after the Holidays I would return home. Before the holidays, one of the guys from our dormitory mentioned his girlfriend will be visiting and asked if I could borrow him the guide. I said of course, exchanged few of my own recommendations and almost rushed into my room to grab the book. After the holiday, we all went home. Except for my book. It stayed with the guy. BONUS fast forward 2024 - I randomly bump into this guy who never returned my Japan guidebook at a work trip in another country. I didn't have a chance to speak to him but if he ever reads this blog, he is welcome to contact me. That's life, full of unexpected surprises.